So I Did a Thing And Bought This For My Little Brother

"Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him" (tylerssvtfocushateshim)
04/07/2014 at 12:16 • Filed to: None

Sadly, it's not an E30, Miata, Volvo wagon, or diesel Mercedes-Benz. There's a few reasons why that is, though...

While I paid for this 1997 Cutlass out of my own bank account, I'll eventually (hopefully) be reimbursed by the executor of this whole process, my mom, who had a very specific set of completely batshit insane requirements. Said criteria excluded anything that was *deep breath* performance-oriented in any way, rear-drive, V8-powered, diesel, German, Swedish, southeast Asian, a Chrysler product, longroofed, older than 1995, smaller than my Focus, an SUV, a 70's/80's/90's van, or a full- or mid-sized truck. Whew. Little brother was less than enthusiastic on the prospect of learning our dying art, so three pedals were also a deal-breaker.

Like me, the kid also delivers pizzas as a part-time job, but unlike me has absolutely zero interest in cars or working on them, so buying someone else's project to fix up on the weekends was out of the question. As a 3100-powered N-body this Cutlass should only need gas and oil changes for the foreseeable future, and parts will be plentiful and dirt cheap in case anything goes wrong later.

Finally, the third and the main reason I picked this car was its price. At $2000 I felt there wasn't a better value out there especially since, prior us buying it in the hood of Indianapolis from a black dude named Ivory (who only drove the car a few thousand miles), it was owned its entire life by a little old lady who, according to receipts and records, kept the mechanical components religiously maintained at the local Olds/Chevy dealership. That care showed during the test drive: even in its seventeenth year the transmission shifted smoothly and surely, power came on strong, and the suspension provided a soft, comfortable ride even at 90mph, which was surprisingly each to reach in this thing.

Apart from a tiny bit of the usual Malibu/Cutlass surface rust around the fuel door and wheel wells and some paint scuffs (which a weekend with a quart of Bondo and sandpaper and a nice can of touch-up paint will fix right up) the car requires nothing except a bit of Febreze to get rid of the old people smell. It even has leather seats, side airbags (which a lot of the cars I looked at didn't), and cruise control, so it's well-equipped for a car that didn't even cost a third of mine, and (as much as I hate to admit it) will likely be more dependable over the rest of its lifetime. All things considered, I'd say I did a pretty decent job.

DISCUSSION (29)

 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:19

Hey hey a Cutlass! Causes Malibus are too mainstream rental cars and this is a fancy Oldsmobile with leather seats.

GeorgeyBoy > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:20

EL_ULY > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:22

Good little A-B car. You are a good brother :]

jkm7680 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:22

How many miles?

Luckily, lots of parts will be avalible from the Malibu

catkam623 misses his 944 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:24

I'm sorry for your loss I too feel the pain of shopping for someone who seems to be convinced they wish to die of boredom at the wheel, my dads convinced he wants a prius.

Leadbull > GeorgeyBoy
04/07/2014 at 12:29

8/10, would read again.

Frank Grimes > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:30

three words bro.

intake manifold gaskets.

Your boy, BJR > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:35

I hope you also bought the poor kid a stick to beat off all of the rabid poon zombies that are going to come after him in that thing.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > jkm7680
04/07/2014 at 12:41

111k, which for a well-maintained car like this one really isn't anything. Yep, parts availability was definitely high on my own list considering my experience with my Focus, and these cars are everywhere man, it should be no problem finding anything we may need in the near future.

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:42

I never even knew they made an oldsmobile Malibu.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Frank Grimes
04/07/2014 at 12:44

Yep, that's something I plan on taking care of over the summer. Told him to watch oil and coolant levels until then, but for now it's not leaking anything.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > thebigbossyboss
04/07/2014 at 12:46

Yep, from what I understand these were built kind of as a placeholder until the Alero was finished. Only made the Olds-branded ones for like three years but since it's exactly the same drivetrain and chassis as the Malibu parts are everywhere, which is always a big plus.

thebigbossyboss > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:48

Badge engineering FTFW

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > catkam623 misses his 944
04/07/2014 at 12:49

God, that might be even worse than an old-lady Oldsmobile. We love cars and love driving them and seeing people we know that will never experience that kind of relationship with their vehicles is sad, really.

catkam623 misses his 944 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 12:53

It truly saddens me that he does that I've come up with various alternatives that meet his criteria but so far no luck.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > catkam623 misses his 944
04/07/2014 at 12:59

What exactly is he looking for in a car? I mean, Priuses (Prii?) are really only good for fuel efficiency and that's under ideal circumstances. Has he test-driven the Prius or anything else? Maybe getting behind the wheel of other alternatives could change his mind?

Wacko > thebigbossyboss
04/07/2014 at 13:15

I don't think they made here to canada, cause I never saw one either

thebigbossyboss > Wacko
04/07/2014 at 13:20

I agree with you. Canada was all about Pontiac branded things....for whatever reason.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 13:32

Don't count out the N-body. Those 3100 V6s are torque mongrels and from about 2-4000 rpm they give a decent push. They weigh about 4-500lbs less than the W-bodies too so despite my best efforts in the lolcar monte carlo, a friend of mine put some summer tires on his malibu and managed to beat me. A weekend of work and we had that thing hustling pretty good.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him >
04/07/2014 at 13:34

Ain't nothing wrong with a big comfy Olds, sure beats the hell out of the other cars I found. Sooo many Cavaliers, dude...

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > EL_ULY
04/07/2014 at 13:35

Yep, nothing fancy or complicated, just an honest set of wheels. And thank you, I'd like to think I am :)

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
04/07/2014 at 13:43

I'll admit I was pretty surprised at the grunt this thing has down low, something like 195 lb-ft at around 4k IIRC. It may not be super quick but at least it feels fast, maybe that'll keep the little bastard off his phone and iPod jack.

catkam623 misses his 944 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 13:58

he has test driven a prius, his criteria is around 40 mpg, fits 4 people comfortably around 20k, relatively new, and reliable

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 15:58

holy shit thats a restricted list.

That being said i think you did DAMN GOOD for that price.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
04/07/2014 at 17:08

Thank you! TBH for the money I was expecting some janky hooptie and only went to see it to exclude it from the list, but it ended being just a solid car that the guy needed to get rid of quickly. Good thing too, I was so done with searching Craigslist haha.

Bubbles22 > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 18:42

That's OK, I don't like my little brother either.

Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him > Bubbles22
04/07/2014 at 19:16

Lol, c'mon man, you saw what I was working with. I almost bought his ass a Saturn SL2 for $1400, he should be happy to get a big classy Oldsmobile.

Frank Grimes > Tyler's SVT Focus Hates Him
04/07/2014 at 20:34

hopefully it stays that way. its a pain in tthe arse

1980markvi > Frank Grimes
04/13/2014 at 13:29

Two more: piston slap